1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
