so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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