Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
