these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
