Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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