She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
