hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
