she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
