Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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