Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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