all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
