Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's Friday. Sex?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
