I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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