I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
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