Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
