I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
