Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
