i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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