Cold hands, warm shart.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
