man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
