The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
