that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
barbara walters just said penis...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
