and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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