do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
