ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
