Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
