I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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