You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
