I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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