My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
