i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
