I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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