Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize