I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
