I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
