wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
