I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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