the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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