nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
