I will die if light touches me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
