I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
