he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
