Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
