You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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