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Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
