just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
