Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
