I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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