either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
