You made me cry and you don't even care
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
