I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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