so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
