i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
