This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
