you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize