I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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