sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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