So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
