spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
