woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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