My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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