Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
