It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize