so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
