I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
