no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
