Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize