I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
