Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
