Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
