Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
