I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's just like the Real World with babies
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
