Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
