ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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