The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
