Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
