Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
