Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
