You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Too much gin, very little bucket
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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