I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
