i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
