He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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